


Improper Uses of a Demon Summoning Spell

by RadiantMoth



Category: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Basically, Fluff, NOTHING HAPPENS THO, Stargazing, bc bj is nasty, brief nsfw mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 17:12:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19155436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadiantMoth/pseuds/RadiantMoth
Summary: When you hand a teenage girl the instructions for how to summon a demon at any given time you can't just expect her to notuseit.





	Improper Uses of a Demon Summoning Spell

**Author's Note:**

> If you ship lydia and beetlejuice get AWAY from me and any of my work, i am only here for platonic relationship fun

Lydia's legs dangled off the edge. It had been a bit of a hassle to get all the way up here, but here she was anyways. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes.

“Beetlejuice.”

Maybe this was all dumb.

“Beetlejuice.”

She should probably just jump down before someone saw her.

“Beetlejuice.”

Too late. In a blink, the familiar form of a certain demon appeared beside her. Beetlejuice grinned, flourishing his overcoat. “Oho, back for round two are y-” He stopped, an expression of genuine confusion passing over his face. “Wh… Where are we?”

“On top of a fridge.” Lydia swung her legs then added, “In Sears.”

“Holy shit, those still _exist?”_

“Well, you're in one right now.”

He looked down at the large slate colored model he was standing on. “Why did you summon me?”

“I wanted to see what you'd look like if you appeared on a fridge.” She smiled. “It was priceless. Glad I did it.”

“Lydia! Get down from there!” Delia ran up in a tizzy, blanching when she saw the grubby demon. “I-! You-!”

“Aw, I should probably go, Lyds.” Beetlejuice started stretching as if he were gearing up to run a marathon. “Next time could you, like, summon me for an actual reason?”

“I make no promises,” Lydia said as she jumped down from the fridge and he popped out of the dimension. Delia did not look pleased in the slightest.

She gathered herself up. “Of all the reckless, irresponsible things to do, and you do it in the middle of a department store!”

Oh boy. This was going to be a whole thing for the entire car ride home, wasn’t it?

* * *

Beetlejuice was scrambling to put on his suit jacket as he appeared in the middle of the kitchen. “Jesus! Give a guy some warning, would ya? Now.” He fixed his tie. “What do you need? Somebody's head on a platter?”

Lydia held out a jar. “I can't get the jam open.”

“... _Seriously?_ I was about to do, like, some orgy level shit.”

She hugged the jar back to her chest, sticking out her tongue. “Okay, maybe I don't want you to open it.”

“Oh, come on, sis, you've already summoned me here.”

“Nope! Get your gross hands away from me and my jam!”

“Ugh! Fine!” He stormed over to the kitchen sink and turned it on, making a face at the dish soap when he picked it up. Lydia watched him curiously.

“Are you… Washing your hands?” She asked.

“Yea, even though I'm tempted to shove them in the garbage disposal now.” Beetlejuice rolled up his sleeves, and stuck his hands under the running water with an overly dramatic gasp. “This is the _worst.”_

Enough grime washed away that someone was going to have to clean the sink later. By the time he was done, there was still dirt and what suspiciously looked like dried blood under his nails, but it was still the cleanest Lydia had seen, well, any part of him. 

He gagged, holding out a hand. “Is this good enough for you?”

“Yes.” She handed the jar over, slowly, squinting at him. He accepted it and gave it a twist.

“Ah, well here's your problem, you just gotta…” Beetlejuice hit the lid on the edge of the counter a few times, then popped it off like it was nothing. “There you go.” He blinked when she didn't say anything. “What?”

“You washed your hands.”

“Don't remind me.”

“So you could open a jar of jam. For me.”

“That is exactly what you summoned me to do until you got all pissy about the ‘was currently in the preamble stages for an orgy’ thing.” He shrugged, twisting his fingers together. “Yeesh, you don’t have to make such a big deal out of it.”

They stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen without really moving. Beetlejuice swung his arms, exhaling through his teeth.

“Welp, I should probably go so…” He waved a hand. “Bye.”

When he disappeared, Lydia toasted up some bread to put the jam on. After his show of goodwill, she almost felt bad about summoning him for a joke.

_Almost._

* * *

“Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.”

Reliable as ever, he appeared in all of his demonic glory. “If we are in another fast food parking lot, I’m going to punch a child.” He paused. “Why are we on the roof? Wait, you’re not going to-”

“No, I’m not jumping,” Lydia assured him. She stepped to the side, revealing the blanket spread out and the small stack of books. “I just thought you might want to try stargazing.”

Beetlejuice stared at her suspiciously. “You aren’t usually this nice to me.”

“Yea, well, Delia and Dad are out for the night, and I’ve already done this tons of times with Barbara and Adam.”

“What’re the books for?”

“They’re astronomy books. I got them out so we can identify constellations.”

He was quiet for a while, clearly deep in thought. The books might be the problem. “Yea, okay. Sounds fine.” He flopped over onto the blanket, spreading out his arms and legs to take up the most amount of space possibly. Lydia gingerly stepped over the long limbs and sat down in the space between his right arm and leg.

“So, like, what do we do?” Beetlejuice asked.

“You just look up at the sky and try to find shapes. Like, um…” She shifted and pointed up. “You see those three stars? That’s Orion’s belt.”

“Just a belt? That’s a dumbass constellation.”

“Well there’s more.” Lydia kept pointing. “That’s his arm and his bow-but some people think it’s a shield-and that’s the top of his head and _that_ …” She leaned over so she could pick out the exact star. “Is the star Betelgeuse.” 

Beetlejuice hummed and nodded. “Hey!” He exclaimed a few minutes later. Lydia giggled at his delayed reaction. “That star stole my fuckin’ name!”

“Maybe you stole its name.”

“Are there any other stupid stars that I need to fight?”

“No, but the Big Dipper is another pretty recognizable.”

As Lydia kept pointing out stars and shapes, it became abundantly clear that Beetlejuice had never done this before. At least, not recently. He kept trying to guess constellations, but usually he ended up frankensteining together two different ones into something weird like a “severed head.” To be far, it was all subjective anyways. It was fun, either way. 

Eventually, Beetlejuice fell asleep, still eagle-spread and snoring loudly. Lydia went to get Barbara and Adam, not really sure what to do.

“Well, how the heck did he do that?” Adam gently prodded Beetlejuice’s arm. “I haven’t been able to get a wink of sleep since I died.”

“He didn’t do anything, did he dear?” Barbara asked Lydia.

“He did rip out one of the book pages but… that’s pretty much it.” She held up the ruined page.

Adam gasped, rushing over and taking the piece of paper from her. “How _rude!_ I am going to have a very serious talk about respecting other people’s property when he wakes up!”

“Good luck getting him to listen to you,” Lydia said.

“I think we should just leave him here. It’s not like anything can really can hurt him.” Barbara raised her eyebrows at a particularly loud snore. “Though I guess we’re not going to have peace for the rest of the night…”

Adam grabbed one of the extra blankets Lydia had brought out earlier and threw it over Beetlejuice. The three went back inside, leaving him on the roof under the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little thing I wrote after joking around with some friends!
> 
> Kudos are great but comments are even better


End file.
